Hash Trash

U>0 #35:  03/06/16:  Utica 2nd Analversary + Ivy League Hangover Brunch Trail, Radisson 
 BRUNCH!  Happy 2nd Utica, and congrats to 2016 mismgmt AHH, Deer Near, and OTD

U>0 #34:  03/05/16: 5th Anal Ivy League Interhash, Coordinated by CUNT H3 and Hosted in 2016 by Utica H3, Radisson, Utica 
10 drink stops,  8 drinks required (or at least credit for 8 drinks on a stamp) over course of day to graduate.   AHH ended the day as our Valedictorian, Howl at the Poon ended as our Salutatorian.  Many, many other interesting things happened that only those who attended will ever know about :)

U>0 #33: 03/04/16, Ivy League Interhash Prelube Scorecard Pub Crawl
1st: AHH
2nd: Deer Near
3rd: Swayze's Swollen Throat (FCH3)
4th: Licks Around For Seconds (FCH3)
Lost Scorecard at First Stop: OTD
Honorable Mention: Everyone else

Hash Trash for U>0 #32:  02/08/16:  New Hartford Maze Trail, Carmela's New Hartford
On this trail we learned that without a cranium lamp, no one can see blue chalk at night.  Also that when going back through a maze of neighborhoods, it's bad news when the hares phone dies that the half mind is using to set trail. On on. 

Hash Trash for U>0 #31:  1/18/16:  MLK day trail, Recovery Room Verona

Massive snowstorm, hares vehicle needed to get towed out.  On on. 

Hash Trash for U>0 #30: 12/7/15,Holiday Pub Crawl, Sumo, New Hartford 
Just Damien became the first meetup virgin to finish a trail!  Another meetup virgin made it all the way to the second stop.  Sumo, Cafe Del Bueno, Uno, Florentine, Circle, and on in to 99.
Hash Trash for U>0 #29 at CNY Interhash 2015 10/17/2015 (Varick St, Utica NY)
Prelube and sign-in for about 50 hashers at Nail Creek for this joint U>0, SOH4, and Halve Mein H3 event.  Chalk left behind with the marks and then hares Piggy and Cocktimus were off live-setting.  We finished our beers, had chalk talk, and then we were off.   Deer Near and OTD set the World Peace Through Beer beer neer, and eventually we saw Piggy and Cocktimus with the pack in hot pursuit... apparently Cocktimus had gone back to set an exotic false or something and the entire pack nearly caught up.  Eventually everyone made the beer near, and sampled over 30 kinds of beer and cider from around the world.  The pack stumbled out and on back to the start.  About a dozen hashers elected to take the FX Matt Brewery Tour option, and the rest of us pre-aftered at the Harp.  An hour and a half later, those of us at the Harp started a long circle in hopes of catching those at the tour (an hour plus of circle later, they finally made it out of the Saranac Tavern lol).

At circle we honored the kennels represented, which included Flour City H3, SOH4, Halve Mein, U>0 H3, Hudson Valley H3, and NYC H3. After was a pub crawl led by UC back to Nail Creek, and there was word of shenanigans back at the hash hotel.  Good times had by all, thanks to those who helped set this up and those who made it out!

Hash Trash for U>0 #28:  09/10/2015 (New Hartford)
No area law enforcement elected to learn about H3 this evening, only curious strip mall security folks. Lovely evening and shiggy trail lined up for the future that we shall do again.
Hash Trash for U>0 #27:  08/09/2015, AHH, RenFest Trail (Sterling NY)
Visitors from Flour City and SOH4 joined us for a lovely RenFest trail full of shiggy, hills, and beer beer beer.  AHH as always set through some areas that were boggy in nature, leading shoes to fall off, beer to be spilled, and Just Stephanie to nearly fall over several times completing trail.  Hills and trail galore.. and then, a Great Lake!  We ran into Cummando and Flesh Flaps on the beach, cleaned off our shoes, and hiked up a dune for treats, alcohol, and circle looking over the Lake.  On after saw Diarrhea and Just Stephanie in fascinating RenFest gear, and we RenFested the day away.

Hash Trash for U>0 #26:  07/11/2015, OTD, Lock 20 Park (Marcy NY) 

Half minds gathered for Boiled Liver Saturday in Marcy NY.  Visitors from SOH4, Buffalo H3, and New Paltz H3 joined us for a prelube lunch and UC's hop skip before trail began.  Chalk talk and then onto a creekwalk with shot stops, eventually looping back to the start via an RC69 for a beer near and Jameson shot stop, of which Just Morgan enjoyed copius amounts.  From there it was on out to several back to back J checks, and eventually a playground check where PP finally caught up to us.  Beer near in the shade, and on out to a stop for fresh strawberries and some upgraded beer options at Marcy Beverage Center.   Fresh strawberries, shots, and beer enjoyed, and on back via the canal trail for riggies, greens, beer, and circle.  On on!

Hash Trash for U>0 #25:  07/10/2015, ANC and Touch Me Not, Boiled Liver Friday, Washington ST Park Herkimer NY 

Fuzzy memories of this one.  Gathered at park and wandered through trails and shiggy to first beer near, where dogs were scared by loud noises and sparkly things in the sky.  ANC and WP led all of us rope pull style across the fast moving river Styx in a boat to an island beer near... then made us haul the boat back to the start of trail, much to the delight of Lube, and less so to WP and Deer Near.  Orgy Porgy and Just Laura from New Paltz H3 showed up for the after as well as 10%, and circle was held on a dock with sizable spiders everywhere for some reason.  A lovely cookout occurred, followed by another exciting opportunity for H3 education of local law enforcement who informed us the park was closed... yet didn't seem to care about the, um, various 'exchanges' occuring in the other vehicles in the parking lot.  Another Boiled Liver Friday in the books, praise be to the hares for a great time.

Hash Trash for U>0 #24:  06/13/2015, OTD, Trail and Float (Barneveld, NY)

With floats in hand, hashers arrived in Barneveld to battle a shortish trail to r*n followed by a four mile float.  It's always a good sign when state police come looking for the hare before we are off for, right (2 county sheriff deputies and a state police person got to learn about hashing, realized we are harmless, and moved on their way).

Fun fact - if you scout trail and then it rains for 2 days straight, creek walks etc become much deeper and more technical!  No matter, after chalk talk pack was on off up a ravine creekwalk, through the woods, and then into a deep creek. Shot checks galore.  After working their way up a bit, cut over to some snowmobile trails and it was combination BN and Shot Check.  From there it was on down to the West Canada for a less intensive creekwalk back to the start, where it was onto float time!  Fun fact 1.1 - Orgy Porgy learned the hard way when your hare in Utica says it's shiggy... it's shiggy.  Wear better shoes :)

Fun fact 2 - if you back over your inflatable mattress, it won't float so good.  Virgin Shane from Albany attempted many MacGyver style maneuvers with Archie's help, but it turned into a burrito about two seconds after hitting the water for the float.

Float also destroyed OTDs pool float.  Apparently river floats needed instead.  Noted. Also, shallow in parts with current tore up everyones feet and legs lol.

After multiple hours floating 4 miles, eventually circled and food at the campground in Poland.  We also unnamed Just Laura in Utica whose name from Pittsburgh was terrible.  Some stayed camping, some of us left to sleep. Fun was had by all.

No More: Virgin Shane.
Reborn as :  Gaping Prolapse.

On -on.

Hash Trash for U>0 #23:  05/17/2015, ANC and WP, Moss Island (Little Falls, NY)

Half minds gathered for a day of epic proportions set up by ANC and WP.  Wandering through the trails of Moss Island, playing along the edge of the lock, and wandering around Little Falls.  Deliciousness occurred at the Ice Cream check, shot checks a plenty as always, and also sadness looking at the abandoned toy near the Ice Cream check in the memorial park.  I recall a lovely BN sitting along the edge of the river also watching the water flow over the rocks. Fuzzy mammories galore from this one but lots of lovely pictures where we all seem to be having a great time.  Merriment assumed after at  Beardslee Castle. If anyone has thoughts to add send em in and will post here.
No More:  Just Raechel
Reborn as:   Share CropHer

U>0 #22:  04/05/2015, OTD and Deer Near, Zombie Jesus Hangover Trail (HQ, Marcy NY)

As dawn broke, we awoke to find that we had made it through the Little Black Dress Run activities.  Only one of the crashspacers puked that night, so we'll call that a win. Chalk talk was arrow to an easter egg, which had clues to find next egg, and so on.  Cause Easter. Cause fun.

After wandering around finding eggs, and past creepy girl dress hanging in an outbuilding (?!), MC Hemerroid expertly finding eggs left and right, we found the clue to first drink check - Little Bo(urbon) Peeps.  That's 3/4 bourbon, 1/4 disarrono, and a peep chaser.  After wandering around a bit, and seeing Kiss My Cockbook up on Lube's shoulders to reach a high egg, we reached second drink check - mimosas and jellybeans, of course.   From there it was onto an easter egg hunt to find final drink check, with false eggs containing instructions such as hop like a bunny (Lube), dance party (MC Hemerroid), and Altered Boy getting the "perform an interpretive dance" egg that Kiss My Cockbook deftly performed, we found the clue to the final drink check.  Bacardi Zombie and Reeses easter eggs. Noms.

For an idea about how things were going... circle was entirely with water.  After involved naps and copius amounts of Archer. On on.

U>0 #21:  04/04/2015, UC and Golden Snowball, Little Black Dress Run (Gerbers Tavern, Utica)

Half minds from near and far gathered at Gerbers Tavern in Utica sporting little black dresses.  And long black dresses.  And dresses made entirely of duct or electical tape (looking at you, Touch Me Not), but noticed the boys all went without compression pants cause coldlegs (?).  Hab fail on tutus (which came in after the event), so many opted for sparkly new Utica H3 22 oz mugs instead.

Circle included excitement such as NECKLACES THAT WERE FINALLY IN and glitter faeries glittering everything. Utica Chub and Golden Snowball informed us of the markings that we would see on trail (in SOH4 markings, natch), and we were off!

Whether running or walking, we found our way eventually to the first beer near at Nail Creek. Most of us anyway, as Cocktimus somehow picked up another part of trail and found the second beer near and wondered where we all ended up.  Eventually he found his way back.  And then we were off on trail!  Or we tried.  But an amateur photographer taking a group pic was too good to pass up.  And then we weren't sure where trail went, while the hares were unable to sweep as they decided to shop for clothing at the Saranac Brewery Store (on trail, no less).

And then we eventually wandered off to second beer near.  Which wasn't quite ready or something?  It was the tavern area sort of at the train station kind of.  Fuzzy memories, not sure what happened there.  But after that we got lovely pictures at the train station and then we were on in to circle at the Gerbers Parking lot.

Accusations, lovely speech by Just Kayleigh about Mohawk Valley Perinatal Network, and then aftertimes at Tony's where food, merriment, games, and other adventures happened (some of us wandered off straight into trees, some played air hockey...).  Additional adventures happened at crashspace locations. Many thanks to all who attended and helped make the event a great time.

No More in Utica: Utica Chub
Reborn as: Uticuse Chub.   


U>0 #20:  04/03/2015, OTD, LBDR Prelube Pub Crawl Trail (Nail Creek, Varick St Utica) 

 Final tally from Pub Crawl Scoreboard Trail (as shown by the scorecards.  you didn't write down your points, didn't count them)

On the podium:
Free Cuntry 156*  (with wine instead of beer)
OTD 128 
Deer near 127 

Participation awards:
MC Hemerroid 100
Uncle John 92
Kiss My Cockbook -69 (after losing her scorecard at FIRST STOP)
WP, ANC : Negative something after picking up trail at stop 3 (?)
Altered Boy: arrived after crawl was complete.

Honorable Mention:  
Virgin Chris: Abandoned crawl in pursuit of some random

Hash Trash for U>0 #19:  03/16/2015, OTD, Analversary Trail (Babe's, Genesee St North Utica)
As fate would have it, we encountered several things we encountered at Utica 1.  To start, while returning from setting a lovely part of trail along the canal trail (yes, there was an RC69 out there to the on in), hare OTD was informed by county law enforcement that the canal trail was not actually open this time of year (although it wasn't posted).  Followed by a discussion that yes, running clubs do run in the winter, hash house harriers are an actual club, we set trail in chalk or flour, the hare bag actually just contains chalk, flour, and toilet paper, and hey look here is a Utica H3 business card.  If said person is reading this, just wanted you to know yes, we set trail and then follow it.   So trail was modified ...

Chalk talk at Babe's with ANC, Water Pussy, Just Rae, and Just Caitlin sporting their new Utica socks and then on out... apparently word that the group was around the North Genesee Street area as we had two UPD vehicles follow us into a parking lot... without saying anything... and watched us walk away on trail.  Rest assured citizens, North Genesee Street and the Canal Trails are safe and well monitored.  We will avoid those areas as much as possible going forward so that UPD can deal with far more pressing situations than our half minds and flour markings.

Absent the lovely canal trail section, trail was urban and involved running through parking lots, over overpasses, under overpasses,and enjoying the melting winter shiggy. Clothing Swap checks led to fascinating combinations of coats, gloves, etc.  Just Caitlin asked if Babe's had actual Babe's, like Hooters.  

On in, and off to OTD's for delicious subs, chips, and cupcakes followed by circle.  Touch Me Not had his two ducky down downs for leaving items at prior Utica trails, and it was announced/decided that we needed more mismgmt for year 2.   ANC is tackling beermeister duties, WP is assisting with that and special projects, Deer Near is tackling on-sec duties.  Communal shot of Jameson to celebrate night before St Pat's day "to those who are missing and those who are missed".  Deer Near made a cupcake sandwich that Just Rae devoured somehow.  And then it was onto naming of Just Caitlin... which led to several stories about dugouts, peeing behind Touch Me Not's car in a snowbank on last trail (which led to her eventual name),  tornado talk, and other interesting stories.  We named her, and flour is a lovely thing.  More food, drinks, and debauchery followed. Horrifyingly our necklackes are taking forever to order so one of these years most of the kennel will finally get theirs, stay tuned.

No more:  Just Caitlin
Reborn as:   Cold Cunt
Left Behind:  Just Rae's sunglasses. 
Somehow Touch Me Not managed not to leave anything behind!

Up next: Little Black Dress Run Weekend events

On - here's to another year of Utica trails - on

Hash Trash for U>0 #18:  02/09/2015, Touch Me Not and 10% More, Snow Day in Herkimer (Salty Shamrock, Herkimer, NY)

What most of Herkimer County and surrounding areas call 'massive' snowfalls, U>0'ers called a walk in a park.  Cause in fact trail, starting at the Salty Shamrock in Herkimer, would literally go through several parks.  Touch Me Not and 10% More led us, setting trail live in the snow... using snow.

Lots of alcohol consumed this one so fuzzy mammories.... apple cider moonshine? whatever it was it was delicious...stopping at Stewarts... 10% jumping in snow banks at stewarts and elsewhere.. "losing" 10% who was actually setting trail... WP with puppy bounding through snow... playing in the park... playing on the statues and watching Ass Wide Shut fall over attempting to climb it...  Just Caitlin and Deer Near making drunken snow angels in the banks... drawing in snow on vehicles at beer near and Just Caitlin's 'frostbitten' areas discussions... more apple cider moonshine somewhere?... all the American flags by the Herkimer courthouse... circling at ANC and WP house, where muffins, chocolate, and other deliciousness happened...

After was delicious $5 pitchers  of Killians and .25 boneless chicken bites at Salty Shamrock.  Plus dancing and debauchery.  ANC clocking himself out and walking home, where we were informed he passed out on the bathroom floor.

Left Behind: Touch Me Not's gloves. That's two ducky down downs we are owed!!!

Next stop... analversary trail!!!!!!

Hash Trash for U>0 #17 01/19/2015, Anus No Camus and Water Pussy, Hashers On Ice (Middle of Delta Lake, Rome, NY)

On Martin Luther King Jr Day, more half minds than usual either were off from work or blew it off to gather much earlier than usual in the middle of Delta Lake at an ice fishing shelter in the middle of Delta Lake.  After Just Caitlin freaked the heck out that the thick ice people were snowmobiling across wasn't thick enough for us to walk on, chalk talk by ANC and WP, and then we were off (including our first puppies on a Utica trail wooooo!!!).  Virgins Just Dennis and Just Raechel (sp?) also assisted. We wandered around  the lake and then onto snowy land, over snowmobile trails, and onto a beer near.  And then onto another beer near soon thereafter.  Puppy wandered off and we waited... for apparently the second half of trail!   Additional beer near and spiked hot chocolate awaited, Goldie and Fleshlight were in a tree as I fuzzily recall, Pink Penalty and phone were far too cold for hash flash, Just Tim and Camel and Cocktimus Prime and Ass Wide Shut were basically frozen the whole time as it was hella cold, and UC was finally recovered enough from Boiled Liver weekend to make another Utica trail!  After a short circle, we were on to the after at the Ale House where silliness and debauchery occurred.  Several of us continued back to Marcy where additional debauchery ensued.

Left Behind: Touch Me Not's vest, hat, and fasteners from Lowes (?)
Hash Trash for U>0 #16: 12/22/2014, Pajamas and Potluck Trail ( HQ, Marcy NY)

Potluck dinner.  Indoor trail through playsets and stairs. 3 shot checks plus a candy check in 10 minutes followed by a beer near did us in.  Longest start to circle ever including several stories.

No more:  Just Bill.
Reborn as:  Touch Me Not.

On on to 2015!

Hash Trash for U>0 #15: 12/08/2014, Holiday Pub Crawl (Sumo's, New Hartford)

Wandering around New Hartford for basically an Orchard Crawl, we welcomed visiting Tie Me Up Buttercup, stopping in NY for the holidays from Korea en route to Italy, and her virgin as well as some SOH4ers who drifted out to Utica for a lovely time.  All was going well until the pack got off trail and took a bit longer than expected in the cold and wind between second and third stops.   Appetizers and drinks did wonders to warm the pack up.

Much love to 99 for letting us circle at their bar.

Hash Trash for U>0 #14: 11/10/2014, First Annual Burning Stuff Trail ( Stockdale's, Oriskany, NY)

Cajun trail where all marks are checks!  Roamed around Oriskany for a bit on pavement, was discouraged by whoever kicked out the song check and clothing swap next to the church, but rallied for the RL (rolling in leaves) and LL (lying in leaves checks.  RC69 to BN at start.  Then we were on out to a playground check, histroric views of a navy plane and war memorials, and then onto shiggy in the dark.  After wandering through fields and snowmobile trails, we eventually wandered under railroad bridge and then followed railroad along the way until cutting over to the on in.

Initial food and beverages at Capri Pizza, who are definitely h3 friendly! After at HQ, where we burned things, ate smores, and drank.

Hash Trash for U>0 #13: 10/27/2014, Pickup Trail for Hashoween and World Peace Through Beer ( Lock 20 Park, Marcy NY)

Primarily pavement for first time in a while.  Deer Near drew short pickup straw for first half of trail back to BN at start.  OTD set the second half... at one point, trail went into Marcy Discount Beverage Center.  Except instead of going in, hashers thought it was the 4th Clothing Swap check and exchanged clothes right outside of the store. Classic.

Second beer near was the world peace through beer BN, with beers from Belgium, India, England, and a couple others.  Back to start, circle and debauchery (which entertained Virgin Allen to no end)until late into the night at HQ, good times with Jameson, etc.

No More: Just Caitlin.  Reborn as : 10% More.  (ask her the naming story. please).

2DF: All winners!

Hash Trash for U>0 #12:  10/06/2014, OTD + Deep in the South, Utica goes to Occasional Mondays for the Winter and Moon! (Fairfield parking lot, Verona NY)

Bog thorns and thicket.  So much so  that two virgins, upon seeing hares walk back from setting trail, realized that the descriptiont that trail would be full of thorns and thicket (and to bring a towel and change of clothes) wasn't a joke... and that they were ill prepared!

Good times. Moon trail. Great area to set in again, hidden in plain sight.  After ended up at the Recovery Room (cause it was right there).

Respectfully submitted,

Hash Trash for U>0 #11:  09/04/2014, Just Mat + Just Linley, A Very Saranac Thursday (Nicky Doodles, Genesee Street, Utica)

For the final Saranac Thursday this year, the idea was to have a short trail and then head to Saranac Brewery. Oh hashers and plans...  introductions and chalk talk by hares Just Mat and Just Linley and then we were on out, wandering and running on trail and roads in a surprisingly shiggy area off of north genesee street behind Nicky Doodles.  

At some point there was a sketchy bridge crossing, and then we were at a beer near under the arterial with a set of lovely graffiti.  Just Bill played with snakes and other wildlife, and Just Linley verbally assaulted anyone drinking water by saying 'stop drinking water, pussy', among other variants.

And then we were on out for next set of trail, which was a shiggy loop back to the beginning.  Tale is told that Just Linley, as lone sweeper hare for this section of trail, actually advised hashers who found the real trail that they were going the wrong way and sent them on a lengthy detour off trail.

Circle and lots of beer and debauchery, far exceeding the end time of Saranac Thursday!  After ended up being at the Harp and then Nail Creek instead.  

No more: Just Linley.  Reborn as: Water Pussy.
2df:  Just Mat vs Just Linley.   Think they both got dead bugs.

Respectfully submitted, 

Hash Trash for U>0 #10:  08/09/2014, AHH - A Hashing Renaissance: Sterling NY (Sterling Ren Fest Parking Lot)

What's better than nothing?  How about trail an hour and a half away from Utica!  Half minds gathered in various states of array at the Sterling Ren Fest main parking lot.  Well most of them did... Lopsided Labia and TTT drove on past rather than deal with traffic apparently.  They missed out.

Hare AHH had some fun in store for everyone, and the pack was on out. Eventually we found ourselves crossing streams more than waist deep and wandering through bog and other shiggy.  Lips Dick repeatedly mentioned his fear of nature as there were many frogs, etc.  LBH was poking all water areas with his walking stick so the frogs would scatter.  Loose Early, and others, lamented the lack of shiggy socks this day.  Giant reeds in wet, marshy, unable to walk without going knee deep type areas.

AHH eventually met us at a much needed beer near before we headed out.  A couple of us played in a tall deer stand (cause why not) and then we wandered around a corn field for a while.  At some point we ran into the road and we ended up deciding to shortcut some of trail... on a related note,  walked past a creepy barn and a, um, weapons and ammunition enthusiasts house (compound?) with lots of signs and where we overheard lots of target practice.

From there we were off on a trail, where eventually we found ourselves digging out buried treasure shots atop massive dunes overlooking Lake Ontario.  We picked up two virgins who were just hanging out, and then we circled atop same dunes... before going to swim in Lake Ontario in various states of undress.

2DF:  Day was so awesome we thought no one was worthy.  However, AHH did pick up a feminine product applicator walking back from the swim, so he is nominated for next time.

Notes from the after:  Ren Fested it up.  We encouraged Loose and Lips to go on the manual carousel, and offered them a large tip if they could get either to puke.  Lips did, and we paid up.  Points.  Eventually we caught up with Selfie, Camel, Turtle, and Floppy, all of whom were in recovery mode from the SOH4 hobo hash the night before.  Debauchery ensued at campout at Fair Haven later that day/night.

Truly epic day.  Respectfully submitted, OTD.

Hash Trash for U>0 7/8/9 - 1st Anal Boiled Liver Weekend 07/11/2014-07/13/2014
"This much I'm certain of: it doesn't happen immediately. You'll finish [Boiled Liver Weekend] and that will be that, until a moment will come, maybe in a month, maybe a year, maybe even several years. You'll be sick or feeling troubled or deeply in love or quietly uncertain or even content for the first time in your life. It won't matter. Out of the blue, beyond any cause you can trace, you'll suddenly realize things are not how you perceived them to be at all. For some reason, you will no longer be the person you believed you once were. You'll detect slow and subtle shifts going on all around you, more importantly shifts in you. Worse, you'll realize it's always been shifting, like a shimmer of sorts, a vast shimmer, only dark like a room. But you won't understand why or how. You'll have forgotten what granted you this awareness in the first place.

Then no matter where you are, in a crowded restaurant or on some desolate street or even in the comforts of your own home, you'll watch yourself dismantle every assurance you ever lived by. You'll stand aside as a great complexity intrudes, tearing apart, piece by piece, all of your carefully conceived denials, whether deliberate or unconscious. And then for better or worse you'll turn, unable to resist, though try to resist you still will, fighting with everything you've got not to face the thing you most dread, what is now, what will be, what has always come before, the creature you truly are, the creature we all are, buried in the nameless black of a name.

And then the nightmares will begin." ― Mark Z. Danielewski, House of Leaves 

U>0 #7 - Friday Night Trail, Hare: OTD

With keg tapped, most tents set up, and trail set, OTD gave chalk talk warning this was shiggy as hell and the kennel was on out from HQ. Weather provided a beautiful night for hashing, and after wandering around the woods near the high school, we reached BN1 ... and then things got interesting. Through reeds, woods, thicket, and thorns the kennel went, hash crashing, bleeding, and cut up eventually making way through first creekwalk. Somewhere after this creekwalk, a decomposing deer was discovered and Just Crystal and Just Lyle collectively decided it would be a good idea to pick up a part of the deer and bring it with them on trail. From there it was more thicket and thorns until the kennel went through a bog, scaring away many frogs in the process. A long creekwalk followed to clean off, followed by more thicket until finally reaching the second beer near. A long pavement walk back ensued, looping to the first BN location for anyone who needed more hydration before on in to HQ. Food was picked up, and the kennel circle in the kitchen while we ate before making our way to the garage for 2DF and namings. 

2DF: I can't recall what Butters and Just Tim did, but neither won and they both did dead bugs for their inability to actually do 2DF.

No More: Just Crystal. Now: Deer Near

No More: Just Tim. Now: One Percent Dudes

No More in Utica: Butt Her Balls. Now in Utica: KIP (Krakken In Pussy and/or Kilometers in Penis and/or probably getting renamed KIP every time he makes Utica trail).

No More in Utica or Something Involving an Asterisk: Just Lyle. Utica Name or Something Revoked: CPAP Smear.

Circle closed, and then we had the ceremonial burning of Pink Taco's gaiter from Utica trail 1 as well as the deer parts. And then s'mores. Debauchery ensued until well into the night.

U > 0 #8 : Saturday Main Trail, Hare: Dancing Fool

Having survived the night, breakfast, bloody Mary's, H4 for some of us, the BoilerMaker expo to get our bibs, and our first round of Hop, Skip, and Go Naked, Dancing Fool from H5 provided chalk talk. This trail would be an homage to U>0 #1, and would be a simple loop walk up near the Marcy correctional facility an back to HQ. 

We were on out up the railroad tracks to the first BN, where we could hear the ominous sounds of the correctional facility. PP discovered the pile of chalk that the hare had left and proceeed to leave many additional checks (which are legitimate, though were challenged by some hashers). After the BN, we had another hydration check off of 291 and were cheered on loudly by the guests of said facility, who used to be neighbours of UC. UC and Pastor both made gestures which, um, led to enthusiasm by said guests who were quickly escorted back inside by their, um, hosts.

Nice walk back to HQ, and it was a lawn circle around the keg and more hop, skip, and go naked. It gets fuzzy from here... UC had a failed kegstand leading to her doing a superman holding onto the tub, Pastor um abused the keg tap somewhat, and both of them would pass out on the lawn during circle. Whatever UC put in the hop skip (cough vodka) clearly did most people in. 

2DF: Pastor for violations against keg tap and the correctional facility vs KIP for being Kip. Kip somehow won.

Food, napping, canjam, fire, and debauchery ensued until well into the evening...

U>0 #9: Full Moon Underwear Fat Boy Trail, OTD Hared

To close out the weekend ahead of Saturay r*cism, all of us still standing at 10:30 elected to have a fat boy trail. Fakey, Bushy, Deflower City, AHH, and OTD tackled this one. Chalk talk was provided and then it was onto BN1.. the keg. Wandering around backyard finding trail and shouting **** tent near every tent we encountered was fun, watching Fakey hash crash on a fat boy was priceless. From there it was onto the shot check. Fun fact - OTD did not realize that was vodka and drank waaaaay too much to r*n the next day. Trail went through the house past a sleeping hasher pile in the playroom, and back to BN2 aka the keg. Circle commenced around the fire.

During circle, Bushy (wearing OTD's clothes for some reason) elected to see how close he could get to the fire without catching on fire. Except that in a moment of clarity he and DC realized that polyester shorts would in fact melt to ones skin.

I can't recall all the accusations, but eventually it was deemed 2DF was Bushy (for nearly requiring a trip to the burn unit) and Fakey for hash crash on a Fat Boy. At this point they were too drunk to function, so option was provide for three of us to chant **** tent during an activity or for them to do a ducky down down. Which they did. Even though ducky had been h4 all day.

Lights out, weekend wrapped up, boilermaker the following day for more drinking and fun after party back at HQ. Thanks to all who c*me and those who helped make it happen!

Left Behind at weekend:  Shoes, tent poles, bean bag toss, socks, shirts, axe body wash, dignity, and who knows what else.

on -  But those are the days that bind us together, forever, And those little things define us forever, forever-on,
OTD, encouraging someone else to host this next year :)  
 Hash Trash for U>0 #6:  06/05/2014, UC - A Trail That's Pleasantly Average: Deerfield NY (Deerfield Wilderness Park)

Half-minds gathered at the Deerfield Wilderness Park on a misty Thursday in honor of Pleasantly Average, who informed us he wanted to hash in Utica.  Even Irwin arrived, courtesy of Fleshlight. During prelube, several hashers found a stray tetherball and Bushy adopted it, naming him "Steve". UC provided chalk talk for a couple of virgins, and we were off.

And then we arrived at a drainage pipe.  Despite trail markings being above it, Fleshlight elected to go through it.  We stumbled our way through trail until arriving at a beer near.  And then again to next beer near. Someone spilled an entire bag of popcorn. At some point several people fell or got cut up by trail.  Fuzzy memories of this one.  When trail ended a new game was invented that involved playing volleyball with a tetherball. It was named something clever.

Back to HQ for food and living room circle, and drinking, music playing, and other debauchery until late in the morning.

TDF: PA vs Fleshlight.  PA won.

Left Behind at this trail: Just Crystle's jacket, Golden Snowball's mug. As of 6/21, unclaimed items just Taco's gaiter, which she advised she would rather we burn at the weekend than return to her.

Respectfully submitted,

Hash Trash for U>0 #5: 05/25/2014, OTD - Mammorial Day Sunday Trail (New Hartford Town Park, New Hartford)

Half-minds gathered for pre-lube on a Sunday with perfect weather for hashing, some of whom even got to meet OTD's parents, sibling, and offspring.  Weather was perfect as in it was beautiful but had recently rained a ton.  Said half minds panicked somewhat when they saw the hare return covered in mud and soaking wet, and the remaining U>0 shiggy socks were quickly purchased.

Chalk talk covered several key elements, including that the first BN was back at the start (hurray for the RC69).  And most were off... except for Lube, who assisted OTD with setting the BN.  Unfortunately he did not tell anyone this, so after the kennel ran through a pile of thicket they assumed Lube was lost and shouted 'Lube' through the neighborhoods of New Hartford. 
First BN was back at the start, where we picked up Just Lyle, Just Crystal, Just Mat, and Just Becca.  Apparently starting 35 minutes late wasn't enough, but glad to have the company in the kennel.

From there the kennel was off to a clothing swap, with fascinating results, and then on into the trails of the New Hartford town park, traversing up and down trails, streams, hills, and ravines.  At one point, the thicket became so bad that Utica trail actually destroyed Cummando's shoe... which would be unfortunate as some of the ravine walks were across broken plates.  He informed us that the shoes had survived ultra marath*ns, but apparently were no match for this trail.  There were many other hash crashes, falls and spills... notably CWOP, who almost faceplanted after posing.

The kennel made their way to the first BN.  Or at least most of us did... Dirtbag, Just Lyle, and Just Crystal blew past the BN and were waiting for everyone at the Group Sit check.  After we had a couple beverages and some orange food, we sent a short-straw drawing hasher or two to retrieve them.  After that, onto the first successful Group Sit check in U>0 history!  And back into the woods for more hill and ravine walks and crossings... until BN was shouted.  In our excitement, several hashers run through burdocks. Bushy's backpack collected several, and UC's hair and clothes were covered in them.  After the BN it was road r*nning on in to the start, and then back to HQ for circle.  

For circle, we elected a sitting circle on the lawn.  I recall FWOD and Just Dee having to do a bunch of down downs, CWOP bailing on us and not making circle.  TDF candidates were those who blew past the beer check, so we advanced Dirtbag to the final, who was victorious over the winner of the Just Lyle / Just Crystal TDF battle.  So they each got their dead bugs, and we moved on.  Circle wrapped eventually, and it was onto the after at HQ with a mammorial day cookout and piles of food and silliness into the night.  Good times by all who made it.   

Left Behind on this trail:  Dirtbag's motorcycle kickstand.

Unclaimed from previous trails:  Just Pat's sweater, Duck Duck Oops deodorant, Pink Taco's gaiter.

Respectfully submitted,

Hash Trash for U>0 #4: 05/15/2014, OTD - MOON Over Turning Stone (Joel's Steak House, Verona)

Hashers gathered for the first (or first in a while) CNY Full Moon Hash at the parking lot at Joel's Steakhouse in Verona wearing appropriate full moon hash attire.  Tin foil cranium gear, etc.  And many Utica virgins.

Must have been the full moon, for it was quite a night.  Keeping our streak alive with local law enforcement, upon going to set trail at the desired BN location there was literally a police officer parked monitoring the area.  Out in the middle of nowhere.  10 feet from the planned BN.  So trail was revised as usual for U>0 trails. Sigh.

For first time in Utica, and last time ever in all likelihood, an attempt was made for hare to not sweep with the pack.   As a result, during chalk talk detrails of the shortcut to the picture check were provided on the (likely) chance that half minds got lost.

And then the pack was off, at some point making good use of the clothing swap check. OTD set the first BN and awaited everyone at the picture check, which was Turning Stone entrance off 365.  And waited. And waited. Eventually autoharing around to see where hashers are, OTD found them wandering back from Turning Stone.  The pack had followed the arrow into some shiggy, and despite being off flour found a much more interesting trail than OTD could.   Fun facts:  PP had a phone and didn't call OTD to 'respect the hash' and Just Tim had recalled the chalk talk instructions but trusted the pack.

It would later be revealed that not only did we have a U>0 first during this lost on trail delay (DNA on trail!), but PP wrote new songs for the Utica hymnal!

Trail Fail: set to the tune of mickey mouse song

"T, R, A, ii, L, F, A, ii, L, TRAIL FAIL, Trail sucks! You m*therf*cker couldn't lay a simple trail, I would rather drink a beer than get lost on your bullsh*t trail, T, R, A, ii, L, F, A, ii, L.

{second song}

Are you going to show me your boobs: set to scarbough fair, Lines 1,2 and 4 are constant, minor variations, line 3 changes every verse, sung by different hasher as solo. (like jesus saves)

"O' are you going to show me your boobs,
 yes I know that I've asked a million times,
just pull up your shirt and let the girls breath,
Perhaps with a beer it will happen in time.

O are, O are, you going to show me your boobs,
yes I know that I've asked a million times,
just whip them out and I'll motor boat them,
Perhaps with a beer they will come out this time

O are you going to show me your boobs,
yes I know that I've asked a million times,
lets see those fun bags all sweaty and wet,
Perhaps with beer it will happen this time.

Idea would be to sing the song until she finally relents ;)

OTD set an impromptu BN in a parking lot for the wayward hashers where piles of beer were consumed.  The kennel ran the shortcut trail back to the start, stopping for a tactical pause for creative moon posing with Joel's bull.

And then it was onto circle. Hashers were spared circle on their knees due to the copious amount of gravel and their rapid inability to stand as it was. OTD drank to the new PP songs, and then Tweedle and Table It battled out in two dogs f*cking. Somehow, Tweedle crushed Table It. And then, for reasons that remain a mystery, Table It selected Tweedle to pour his beer for his dead bug... but when one Tweedle helps with a dead bug, all Tweedles help with the dead bug.  So we had our first double-tweedle dead bug!  Many more down downs followed, and we more than made up for the BN that was skipped on the shortcut back to start.

After was at Joel's where amazing drafts and wings were consumed and debauchery continued into the wee hours of the night. Was definitely a Utica sh*tshow, and we wouldn't have it any other way.  Great fun, and thanks to all who c*me out.


Hash Trash for U>0 #3: 04/15/2014, UC - Tuesday Taxday Teesome (Dunham Manor Park, Whitesboro)

For our third trail, we "celebrated" both taxes and the longstanding CNY tradition of running in the snow in mid-April.  Who doesn't love mid-April late winter shiggy?  We gathered in the parking lot at Dunham Manor playground, where a helpful town employee offered use of their bathrooms to our group out of sympathy for our r*nning in the cold. Or r*nning in general.

Chalk talk from UC and we were on out looking for trail.  Well most of us.  Just Stacy elected to go on hare. Which is okay and hashing smarter, since we made it to all of the first check before most of the kennel lost trail. 369 degrees in any direction half minds.. just cause the creek with high banks from the flood watch is to the right doesn't mean it's not where trail goes!

After making our way along the creek and through the woods, we made our way to the first BN. Sadly, no beer was to be found there despite desperate searching. Like Just Stacy, the beer was also on hare and arrived shortly thereafter. At which point we learned our virgin expected that a drinking club with a running problem would actually be running and not just hiking clumsily through the snow and shiggy. It was so wet that we even saw Commando wearing Utica BTN shiggy socks and shoes!

Trail had been set before the snowfall, but thanks to the magic of purple dye trail was still visible. However, all trees and thicket were now covered in snow so as we cut crosslots to the next beer near everyone repeatedly got unexpected piles of snow dumped on them. Especially as many parts were set for hashers to go at "UC height". 

We finally made it out of the woods and had a short pavement run before reentering the woods for the second beer near. At which point we learned that a local muggle had questioned the exact nature of what UC was doing when the beer near was originally set. After the BN, we, made our way through the woods, and returned to our cars en route to circle back at HQ. 

As we awaited the return of UC and food at HQ, our first better than nothing attempt at t-shirts was had for those who purchased them.  UC arrived and informed us that when she went to get the cooler back, the muggle from earlier was yelling at her incoherently near her car. UC elected to ignore her and get the heck out of there with her cooler.  Always an adventure.

After some Mumford (obviously) and food, we started a good old fashioned living room circle. Down-downs galore for Bushy Cholera, who had both uprooted yet another tree and rolled a trail treasure tire downhill, Just Pat (who seemingly had to down down for almost everything, even more than the virgin he brought), with Just Tim and Fakey being surprisingly well behaved as I recall. Course Fakey was still recovering from SOH4 Monday.  Just Stacy refused to do (or delayed) down downs as she was still eating... but she had to leave to pack for a trip, so we took a minor break from normal circle festivities for our FIRST NAMING.  Just Stacy lobbied saying that she was informed by OTD she wouldn't be named until she c*me enough or did something stupid on trail... at which point we informed her the dozens of dumb things that happened at this trail.  After asking several other questions that you'd have to ask her about, we announce the following:

No more: Just Stacy

Reborn as hasher: Cunt Watch Own Porn .  Though UC has started calling her CWOP (pronounced "quap", give or take).

Circle continued, with Bushy winning two dogs f*cking.  Additional accusations for anyone who didn't have their hashing necklace...UC drank for that, and then took the option for the kennel to find out where the necklace had been found instead of doing a dead bug to get her necklace back. Evidently UC is terrified of the dead bug.  Circle ended.

 On the theme of never, ever lose or leave stuff behind, at the after Bushy and Commando volunteered creative solutions of what to do with items left behind at previous trails. Apologies to Taco and Ducky, you can get your items back if you still want them, just show up to a future Utica trail!  Additional debauchery ensued including Just Tim sporting an interesting way to sport his new Utica shirt and bizarre conversations with someone from Al's in Syracuse who allegedly sent interesting pictures of themselves to OTD (thanks SOH4 for putting my number on the Jenga piece). Tuesday was a hashing day, thanks to all who made it out as several virgins and out of towners bailed at last minute due to the weather.

Left Behind at this trail: Just Pat's sweater.

Items held hostage from prior trails until you make another Utica trail: Duck Duck Oops deodorant; Pink Taco's balaclava; Nurse TaKillYa's vessel is being held hostage by proxy at Halve Mein.

Respectfully submitted,
One Trick Dick

Hash Trash for U>0 #2: 04/03/2014, OTD - Down By the Water (Harbor Lock Road off Genesee St, Utica)

Half minds gathered for trail.  Most notably:  FIRST UTICA VIRGINS JUST TIM AND JUST CODY!!!  Hare OTD provided chalk talk and we were off.
For our first Thursday trail, we found out several exciting things, notably that most people prefer days that aren't Thursday.
OTD doesn't mark falses, which led to multiple cases of Dickslit running a looong way "on two".Trail treasures abounded with Kicky finding $1 and OTD finding a locked bicycle combo lock, both of which went to Magical Dickslit... who is tasked with opening the lock before next trail.
First BN was at Babe's.  Happy hour drink prices and their free happy hour spread enjoyed. 

After creating a "Utica Club tree", it was off through urban blight.  After missing a check and continuing straight at a T in the road, Dickslit made um a new friend.  Whoops. Then Dickslit managed to go a looooong way up the railroad tracks before having to return to us. Crossed the Mohawk River for a second time on trail and onto the second BN (Utica Club obv and orange food).
On in, circle, swung low, back to Babe's for more drinks, food, and merriment.


Hash Trash for U>0 #1:  03/24/14, OTD - Marcy NY (Marcy Bar and Grill)

First ever U>0 trail got off to an ominous start.  With hare One Trick Dick nowhere to be found (more on that later), weary hashers who travelled from SOH4 and Halve Mein H3 were forced to prelube from the keg of Utica Club (obv) and endure an impromptu chalk talk from UC which, rumor has it, was legendary.  From there it was a short wandering trail through thicket and winter shiggy.   Clever hashers spotted the 'end' of the trail as an RC69 indicating return to start... but elected to run the rest of the trail anyway, which wasn't long. 

From the RC69 it was back to BN1, aka the keg.  By now Duck Duck Oops from Skull and Boners H3 and Snoozin and Floozin from Rotton Groton H3 had arrived as well... as had OTD. Evidently setting the rest of trail had been, um, more adventurous than anticipated, and the decision was made that the rest of trail would be shortened to the planned walkers trail for all hashers.  After a secondary chalk talk, hash pledge of allegiance, and disclaimer, it was off to trail!  Which began with a CP check, which led to Honey Boo Boo enthusiastically doing something not really a CP but hey it's better than nothing, a Clothing Swap check which led to Just Ryan having one sneaker and one business casual shoe, and a GS check which was ignored.  As promised by the hare, there were zero checks from there to the second beer near, though there was a railroad and stream crossing. 

Second BN was the Marcy Bar and Grill, where there was pizza, pitchers of Utica Club, and much singing.  Piggy assisted, among others, which entertained the regular Marcy Bar and Grill crowd.  After the food and beer was gone, it was back to starting location for circle... some walked, some ran, Nurse and Brownie autohashed (and never got a down down for it)....

And then it was time for circle.  Several hashers pulled out the kiddie pool and sat inside of it while we waited for the walkers to come back from whatever way they returned.  Circle began with tradition of "Mayor of Bayswater" as song for the hares, despite the collective not knowing that many verses... yet.  From there the major down-downable offense went to all those who sat in circle, including those the kiddie pool.  Fleshlight volunteered to take the dead bug down down option for the group and chose Kickstand as the person he trusted most to assist... pics tell that story best. 

Fuzzy memories of a long circle full of accusations...Taco and Just Stacie and maybe Calvin choosing to do a down down in the pool and Taco getting inadvertently doused. Ducky accusing the harriettes of not doing a TC of questionable origin, and after the song they all spit their beer at him.... Piggy, Seize Her, and 6.9 providing some Halve Mein songs... birthday side side for Brownie and up up for Nurse... Anal-yze This having a b*tchy resting face but not drinking for it...   Courtesy of S&B, we had our first "two dogs *******" down down with Fleshlight and Just Sean, with Just Sean winning.   Just Sean also claimed to know "how women thought", and we somehow never came back to ask him that.   And other silly accusations before we swung low.

Fuzzy memories from the after: Chunks, Dry Spell, Rectal?, Just Ryan, Goldie, Fleshlight, Taco, Just Stacie, maybe Just Rob?, and many others going down the indoor slide. As did Fakey... with a play sword... after she went headfirst into a crossbar.  No one playing beer pong for a change.  Calling Nurse and leaving a message to inform her that Halve Mein had her "misplaced" mug and she would have to rego to NURD with some friends, or provide other form of barter, to retrieve it.

Left Behind:  Ducky's deodorant, UC's phone charger and mittens, Pink Taco's gaiter, maybe 1/4 of the keg (nearly kicked at trail 1.069 thanks to Coobler), whatever was left of our hashing dignity. Not left behind:  Just Sean's wallet, although he thought he did for a minute the following morning.

As we apparently now say as part of opening circle, when we can't run, we crawl, and when we can't crawl... we find someone to carry us. Better than nothing and respectfully submitted,